(via girlinlondon)
Finally, I took the plunge and submitted all my applications.
I will leave it to God’s grace.
I abhor and resent it when people self proclaim that they can write well. It is this inexplicable courage and audacity they have that drives them to make such an obnoxious statement. It is alright if it is coming from a third person’s perspective because that is labelled as a compliment. If even good writers, affirmed by good critiques and global recognition they received, are besieged with insecurities and fear that they are ‘never good enough’, then who are you - an insignificant, unheard self - to boast of your so called abilities on social platforms? This is NOT confidence, abilities are not meant to be boast in public recurrently, this is just plain arrogance which is crudely unjustified. I do have friends who write well, so much better than this said subject, but I do not see them boasting about their abilities. In fact, most of them are so humble that they would flatly deny any forms of compliments showered on them. Perhaps it is because I am a literature student so I am relatively attuned to languages and what is considered as good writing. Yet, this insanely narcissistic arrogant person is publicizing her own ability to write well when it is axiomatic that she doesn’t. If we compare ourselves to others, we are but only small fishes in a vast open sea. And only the truly myopic and narrow-minded would declare that they are bestowed with a certain ability, because they are blinded by their own self-love to see beyond their microscopic vision of the world.
I have no inkling who reads this site apart from my 5 followers who are all people I know. I like the thought of an exclusive audience to this site but nonetheless, I have this compelling urge to write this here.
So the time has arrived, for us to make a choice, that would change the entire course of our life. Armed with this degree, it will determine whatever jobs we head for in the future, the possible career paths mapped out for us, the kind of salary we are going to bring to our family every month. Of course, we will all be able to put food on the table with our capabilities, no doubt about that, but whether we are going to love what we study and enjoy this journey while it lasts is a different issue in its entirety.
I am glad my friends, or acquaintances, or whoever you are reading this at the moment, have that courage to take on unconventional routes, especially for those who are considering a venture into the arts (or who has already made that choice of going into the arts). Trust me, for those who are interested in the humanities and social sciences, who have the ability to think and evaluate arguments, who are good in sifting out valid and reasonable points after poring through stacks after stacks of reading materials, and lastly, who have a forte in writing, I would say, trust your instinct, go for the arts. They give you a different sense of satisfaction. Imagine reading an article/ a 2000 word document and suddenly, having an epiphanic moment, being able to write a 1000 word essay on that with very solid and hopefully, outstanding arguments, that is what I would call true contentment. You beam not at the end product, rather, you are joyous because of that tedious process you went through and viola! you have a stellar piece of work, graded with an A.
Truth is, the arts will be a much tougher and probably bloodier battle than the science courses. Given the variety of answers, the different styles of writing, the different thought processes everyone has, you would end up with different end products, essays that could range from one spectrum to another, simply because in the arts, we are not differentiated by the precision of our answers per se, but more of the quality of our thoughts which are translated into arguments. There is no right or wrong, no black or white, just areas of grey, and you will be amazed at the very often neglected yet equally striking colour of grey.
You will appreciate different viewpoints, come to see things in different perspectives. You do not have to agree with them, after all we all have to learn to take a stand. But you see the validity of their arguments and that skill, is oftentimes, brutally cast aside.
When I stepped into the arts stream in JC, I did not expect any change in me. But it did, it changed me, the arts influences everyone, and I would dare generalize, positively. I thought deeper into issues, I learnt to see past the superficiality of things, it was a rewarding experience. Because I not only learn how to express myself with words, I learn how to feel comfortable with it - persuade and convince people to see the way I do, or show them how viable my argument is. Words empower everyone, and arts with its strong emphasis on writing, you will see it all.
You do not need to be an arts student in JC to pursue it at a tertiary level. You do not need an A in GP (though a generally good foundation in English would place you at a better position given the amount of essays you have to write) to validate or ascertain your suitability for an arts programme. All you need is to see it for what it is, appreciate the language and beauty of the arts, have a passion for it and jump straight in. Yes, you wil struggle, whether you are an arts or science student, you will definitely struggle to stay afloat because the arts curriculum is demanding. Yet, that daunting and seemingly hollow struggle then will be worthwhile.
Take me for example, I struggled with my arts subjects throughout my JC life (I would say most arts student do), but I never regretted pursuing it because I know, that is where my interests and strength lies.
I know how parents have their own reservations/concerns about their child graduating with an arts degree, Ba in social sciences/arts as opposed to the more widely sought after medicine/law/pharmacy/engineering/business. We can’t blame them, because they have yet to go through that rigorous curriculum of the arts/ been through hell and back, to realize its worth and potential.
You have to convince them, not with “This is my life. I should have a choice” but get them to see the light - the advantages of an arts degree, allow them to hear real life testimonials of that unseen and sadly, unknown impact of the arts. Get them to see how political science/history allows you to see the world in a different way, appreciate the complexities that abound in international relations, grasp with the differences in political systems and ideals, how real and in sync with today’s world these subjects are. Show them how literature, english and philosophy compel you to think critically and question the convention or events/scenarios/trends that are usually blatantly ignored and dismissed, hone your writing skills and by extension, your appreciation for the language (none of us here can qualify to be a writer. Think brilliant literary writers like Sylvia Plath and Jeanette Winterson), grow to become a more mature adult who is able to see past the the tip of the iceberg. Ask your parents to bravely take this gamble with you, because this will be a risk that is worth taking, something that I can promise you, you will never ever ever going to regret.
An education with the arts will be something enjoyable and worthy of all that time and money you are going to pour into. You emerge a different person, that much I am willing to assure you.
spotted alot of glaring language errors in the previous post. will change them when time comes.
So I’ve been praying, not madly but well at least I ask for God to help sustain my faith in Him. It’s an improvement for my previous standstill, this much I must be thankful for.
But regarding my future, I still feel that tiny flicker of hope, that is possibly well soon to be extinguished. I got that law internship which my dad promised me but from there, so what and what’s next? Honestly, I don’t know, future to be has never been that murky and uncertain, I always know what I want. And J has been quizzing me about my uni choices every now and then but I can’t decide which is the course I want/has as much passion for. Even my dad, who gave me a lecture this morning because I have yet to decide what course I want to take up.
I wonder which path God has in store for me, I no longer know what dreams I have. Torn between two choices actually, the other course choice which my dad frowns upon and I’m inherently scared to truly major in come to think of it though the thought of majoring in it is tempting.
I can’t envision where I want to be, except for law. But I have to be realistic and I find a second-best right now. I just have to put down all my anxieties and feelings of inferiority and trust in the Lord. He will give me the right place to be, He will, I just need to trust him fully. Like how I discover the reason why God placed me in AJ, I believe in due time, I will realize the reason he put me in whatever place I go.
And I secretly think my dad is scared I will fall into depression if I don’t get into law. LOL because of what he keeps telling me. He’s happy but genuinely worried for me, I guess.
I just need to continue having faith.
From Matthew 17:20
”Truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; nothing will be impossible to you.”
And so my brilliant dad, finally, after months of pestering, got down to asking his friends to help me get a law internship. I know internships are not a pre-requisite and would not necessarily boost my local applications but I guess I really wanted a taste of a lawyer’s life, even if that is the closest I can get to it.
I have my plans laid out for myself. Get into law, specialize in criminal law/human rights law, helped rape victims or people who have undergone emotional and psychological damage of terrible and unthinkable dimensions yet not quite amounting to murder, lead a more enriching life by ensuring that my life is not solely revolving around luxury goods and a fairly materialistic lifestyle. (Yes, I do concede that my future lifestyle will be somewhat materialistic).
This has always been my dream, or a place I envision myself to be because I know I would only derive true satisfaction if I help those who in my perception, deserves and requires the most help. Save for the few organizations who are doing all they can, nobody will truly understand the plight of these poor women, unless you were in the same boat as them.
Yet, whether this small dream of mine, this willingness to make a difference in someone else’s life would be actualized is now in the Lord’s hand. I hope it will concretize, because this is probably the only good (for society) I will wholeheartedly and willingly engage in. But come to think of it, with or without law, I would still want to help this group of women, by hook or by crook. Maybe i will figure something out then, but for now, the way I wish to reach out to them is through the law.
God, I will trust you to pave the road for me.
So I sat and thought of the endless possibilities and conditional “if(s)” when I started making perfect sense of everything. It was an epiphanic moment and I am glad it all came and hit me at the right time.
To God be the Glory.
The road ahead will only get tougher and more challenging. I just have to place my faith in God.
All will be well.
I feel like I am such a letdown to myself at times.
The smiles on other’s faces, the “I think you’ve done well” from so many other people, yet I still feel extremely miserable since I know by getting a B for one of my H2s, my chances are now extremely slim.
Maybe I’m in denial, because I have yet to break down. Or the realization of it all will only hit me, when I did not even manage to get into that interview phase. The time will come soon, when I realize everything was just a fleeting dream, and the fight these eight years to get into where I envision myself to be was nothing but a hollow struggle.
Or perhaps I will live life as it is. Accept mediocrity, accept that I can never get to where I want, live my life in regrets.
Now I stand at this crossroad, wondering what will happen next, wondering where would I end up, wondering how do I find similar drive and passion for all the other courses, wondering if I really have to end up being a teacher. Everything seems so uncertain. But Lord if you will, I don’t know your plans for me, but please in all your might and strength don’t take this one thing away from me. I know I have to trust you and what you have in store for me, but how do I when I am on the verge of having my dream/ everything I am working for cruelly snatched from my own hands.
I am so frightened to go near to uni admission applications because that nagging doubt if I am good enough for law will set in. And I am so afraid to learn that I do not even qualify for the interview stage. At least, no matter what happens, I have tried my best. And if this isn’t what God wants me to be, then there would always be another door left open, another option left dangling.
Maybe I should learn, like what my secondary school used to say: Acknowledge the Lord with all your heart, and He will direct your path (something along these lines)
